[Archive] Ep. 20: Recap Part 1. State of the Podcast Address.
link to episode on Spotify:
Note: ISC Podcast is also available on: Our Youtube Podcast Page, Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, Castbox, GoodPods, iHeartRadio, PocketCasts and RadioPublic.
PREAMBLE:
Refer to right here for the introductory post to my '2023 Madcap-Recap//2024-To-The-Floor (Intro)', which outlines some background context for what will eventually span at least several episodes.
Given I'm fairly behind on getting 2023 retrospectives into gear - thanks burnout *gestures to, well... everything*. It was always the intent of the series though to not just be a late-to-the-post recap, but also an exploration of how things are tracking for society wholesale, and for arts/music/lifestyle communities and their associated industries.
However, I feel it only fair to do a retrospective and a prospectus in one on Inner-Strength Check itself as an entity.
Refer to the above episode for the audio version. However if you'd prefer a cliff-notes summary (or require written form for accessibility purposes), please check out the Transcript Summary below, as well as references for materials mentioned, resources etc.
Peace, love and grindcore. A great 2024 to you all. <3
Transcript :
Hello everyone! Brady here, and can you believe it’s already 2024? Time flies, right?
Now, let’s talk about 2023. It’s been quite a rollercoaster—both personally and globally. The whole concept of time has become a blur. Days, weeks, and months seem to blend together in a warp-speed spiral, yet there’s also this heavy inertia.
We’re living in unprecedented times, with anxiety levels through the roof. Pandemic fatigue has left us craving rest and recuperation.
But let’s dive into the recap. I’ve split it into two parts: Part 2 looks at the bigger societal picture, while Part 3 distills everything into the central theme of this podcast.
Speaking of which, ISC (that’s us!) explores how arts, lifestyle, and communities impact our mental health. We’ll delve into the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals in a neurotypical world, and the challenges faced by an increasingly burdened global populace. All things said and done, we're all just just trying to survive, thrive and enjoy life together as a community.
Today, we’re navigating this chaotic year, stringing together themes and resources. Let’s dive deep and explore this space together.
2. Reminder re: ISC Platforms!
You can find me on the following (links obviously available in the show notes):
Website:
www.innerstrengthcheckpodcast.com.
(I mean, you're obviously already here lol). This site acts as the central hub for all my longer-form content and as a repository for additional written content/other stuff which doesn't make it into usual episodes.
Socials:
Facebook - This is where I’m most active social-media-wise, as I find it to hard to jump between apps and platforms.
Link: fb.com/innerstrengthcheck
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Insta: - I have a tremendous amount of content backlogged here. So much so that I’m facing a bit of the old analysis-paralysis overwhelm. Nevertheless, I am about to absolutely bombard this space so if you prefer IG, check me out there.
Link: https://www.instagram.com/innerstrengthcheck_/
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Twitch: Less well-used, as I'm moving more guitar and bass covers to Youtube (below). However, I may do some more impromptu tabletop and other related content, vidya, stuff like that over there.
2023 - SETBACKS:
In the Part 2 of my episode we’ll be looking at how endemic both individual and systemic burnout is within our post-pandemic society.
For now, I’ll make some admissions based on some vulnerable truths.
As a neurodivergent person and someone in recovery from mental illness ongoing (or at least angling to get to a more maintenance phase of self-care), I’m highly sensitive, neurotic to the extreme and easily overwhelmed.
The truth of the matter is that my professional life in 2023 absolutely wrecked me. Again, we’ll save the particulars for the ongoing discussions in Parts 2 and 3 but for now I’ll just say it is a hard fucking time to be a social worker, let alone a mentally ill one also working in the clinical MH field.
We could wax for hours about the rats-on-a-sinking-ship sensation that human services instils in the rapid decay of support, resourcing and capacity slashed to pieces by the slow Leng Tçhe process of neoliberal austerity.
Under a background of some fairly negative core beliefs around capacity and self-efficacy (we’ll get to that in a second), it took a while for me to realise I’d been experiencing an entirely new, severe and incapacitating form of burnout.
Perfectionism
- In the classic pop-psychology sense of the word, perfectionism conjures up a lot of those simplistic, symptom-specific images associated with details-oriented, highly-conscientious and finicky people. Doing things like meticulously listing, organising, fussing, cleaning and otherwise.
It’s a little different in the ADHD experience. Given we have a lifetime of being often highly-intelligent and functional people, with assets such as lateral-thinking, creativity and hyperfocus, it can be quite easy to masquerade as a functional adult with this condition.
What people don’t realise, often including us ADHD-ers ourselves without further examination are some pretty classic cognitive distortions of self:
ADHD is heavily conducive to all-or-nothing or black and white thinking. Like many others, my neurodivergent experience is such that with other people, other concepts, juggling complex and trying ethical and moral concerns, there’s an excellent and empathic sense of being to zoom out, collate complex networks of interrelated concepts and provide quick, thoughtful responses to challenges.
Where we fall down, however, is that we often have label-heavy, unrealistic and unrelenting self-imagery, self-schema and associated beliefs. For me personally I definitely have an unrealistic template of myself in my various social, occupational and hobby roles. This often leads to over-ambitious planning, harsh expectations with unrealistic underlying pressure, and harsh self-criticism when same ideals are not met. (As a side note, this can be a positive - it’s often why us ND folks have high work performance and a very strong, empathic justice-orientation for others).
How this has specifically challenged me in 2023 is as follows:
Unrealistic Standards:
As mentioned, I think there’s no possible way to downplay the role living as a neurodivergent person has with regards to setting some unrealistic self-standards. Those imposed from a lifetime of social learning and the dual weirdness that is being mentally small and practically dysfunctional at the same time.
For just some of a few examples - DAW’s. I’ve placed a lot of pressure on myself to have the audio component of the podcast on par with those I idolise or enjoy listening to. Consciously, I know this is unrealistic - I work near full-time in a stressful profession, and I’m essentially comparing apples to oranges in terms of folks who’s professional product is the result of it being their thing. Knowing this consciously, heck even working on it in therapy, doesn’t shift the needle much admittedly in terms of the aforementioned pressure. What happens with undue strain placed on what should be an enjoyable process.
The workload is enough as is on the learning side of things, but it’s editing that is the real kicker. If you peruse through the episodes you’ll notice a slight increase in quality overall. Use of de-noisers, de-essers, a reduction in the amount of umm’s, ahh’s and the like. I’m sure it’s not on par with some more professional-quality podcasts out there, but it’s a process in action.
Anyway, rather than place undue pressure I’m deciding to reduce the overall rate at which I crank out podcast episodes.
Running into the conundrum of having little spare time (part by my own hand, partly to reserve additional self-care time re: the situation we all find ourselves in) means I have to make some practical decisions about how much time gets invested in all... that.
Likewise, I’ve often run into the issue of perceiving the actual quality of my scripts and written word as worse in my head than what actually comes out. As someone who spends a lot of professional and personal time in spaces where feedback is minimal at best, sometimes it’s over-reliance on my own judgement that has unnecessarily knee-capped motivation. I’ll listen back to an episode and not even finish it as it just hits on that sense of not-good-enough.
Fortunately, I guess I’m wised up enough in my early thirties to know that’s all self-facing, self-sabotaging internal drama. I choose not to take that fully on-board and persevere regardless. Which in the end is something I am hoping to at least try to be exemplary of - namely, that experiencing a personal journey of recovery from mental illness does not preclude one from reaching your personal goals. Be they occupational, interpersonal, psychological or just to engage with fun stuff again. That’s what I’m about for 2024 and onwards.
Unrealistic Scheduling:
I think I vastly improved on this personally and therapeutically last year, but not entirely.
I’ve been extremely diligent and mindful in not getting focused on metrics and, as a natural byproduct, getting wrapped up in the mindset of minx-maxing what is created for whatever will rope in the most readers, listeners and what-have-you..
However - when literally every single piece of otherwise useful podcasting advice is strewn with language about maxing followers, increasing revenue, marketing and the like, it’s difficult for some of that not to be subsumed into that negative internal language.
With the majority of said advice recommending weekly or fortnightly episodes? Yeah, no. Not until such a time as my process is tightened, streamlined and otherwise refined.
As well - I;ve got a lot of other hobby projects in the can.
From GM-ing my Forbidden Lands campaign (which itself can be very time and energy consuming, especially with the aforementioned self-derived pressure), to wanting to add in music theory to a practice routine re: guitar and bass, to solo RPG campaigns, gaming, relationships, maintaining a house and life with ADHD, maintaining socials and other stuff? Yeah, I’m busy mainly by my own hand.
Thus, the aim is to shoot for monthly episodes.
Negative Beliefs:
Completely erroneous, illogical and challengeable (but still very felt/phenomenological experiences of) beliefs about my capacity. As with many other neurodivergent folk, I’m prone to losing steam quite quickly when the ‘evidence’ from my biased perspective doesn’t match up with expectations.
I’ll listen to an episode and absolutely tear. it. to. pieces. The fact I’m not as pushed on metrics and engagement also means the lack thereof (which is fine and to be expected in a crowded medium of entertainment)
I’ll liken this to another vulnerable example. In March 2017 I hit the stage for the first time as a bassist. My first ever time playing onstage.
I had friends rock up, including one close friend of whom it was his birthday.
I actually flubbed very few notes overall. Took to the stage and, rather than stand stoic and nervous planted in one spot, manage swinging round wildly whilst bashing out some fun, fast death-grind.
And yet, when I left the stage? All I could focus on was the notes missed here and there, not the statistical reality that I landed most of them. Not the emotive reality that I just had a fantastic, adrenaline-fuelled experience. Not the fact that I’d managed to form a band, rehearse, practice, improve and was spending my first ever gig played supporting international underground superheroes Abaddon Incarnate (who also gave me really positive feedback).
The impostor syndrome is as real with ISC as it is in, well, basically all of my other life domains.
Impostor Syndrome:
The bane of neurodivergent existence and honestly too complex to distil down into one episode, or even several. Like in my work life, musician life, GM life, surfer life and my social roles as a partner, worker, son, brother and friend. I’m not really sure or comfortable outlying or explaining issues around impostor syndrome in the scope of this podcast.
That said, it’s essentially one of the core debuffs/banes/hamartias I am working on resolving, living with etc. And it’s honestly only gotten worse as I get older.
So yeah - couple some pretty harsh expectations with a sense that I’m ‘not’ a podcaster (even though I literally am producing content and putting on both a podcast, a blog and socials etc) there’s an underlying sense of not making the bar.
Not exactly motivating and a hard thing to grapple with when highly stressed.
via Self-Love Rainbow on Facebook.
2023 - LEARNING CURVES:
Let’s be frank - I don’t think the layperson who isn’t producing a podcast, vlog or similar medium with careful thought and care realises actually how much work is involved.
There’s learning the ropes for blogging, DAW’s, content scheduling, editing, refining, engagement etc. I can see how a lot of folks who work and produce a hobby podcast describe it as akin to being a second full-time job.
I’ve long wanted to get a better handle on the audio production side of things, however the (perceived) complexity of learning audio engineering and the like has been difficult to detach myself from. The fact there’s such a wealth of fantastic information out there in the form of podcasts, tutorials, websites and YouTube videos has only served to intensify the analysis-paralysis. The overwhelm attached to just plain old getting stuck right in, is something I’m giving myself a lot less credit than what I’m due for. Credit for how tech-savvy and adaptable I’ve always been to new apps and platforms, and additional credit for the reality-based feedback that episodes are categorically sounding much better over time.
The editing process is a particularly vicious bastard of a thing. Most podcast guru’s advise to assume about an hour’s worth of work for every 10 minutes of content. As someone who is borderline-incapable of producing concise content, that’s a time investment that presents as straight-up exhausting.
via Audio Engineer Memes on Facebook.
Thought I’d get that more depressive stuff out of the way before we dove into the positives, the successes and what’s gone well for the podcast and myself in 2023.
2023 - SUCCESSES:
The Podcast Itself!
So look, going off all that commentary before, you’d think I hated this fucking place. I really don’t, to be honest.
Hence the use of the word ‘setback’ as opposed to barriers. A setback implies something more circumstantial, more temporal and impermanent. Which all things are, in the end.
And, like the ever-present and unrelenting process of entropy, this podcast is as in flu as the rest of the physical universe.
Which can be construed as a negative, but not all things in life are so purely black-and-white.
With a quote-unquote ‘working’ history having written multiple reviews, interviews and gig reviews for both Overdrive Magazine and Insert Review Here (two awesome but unfortunately now sadly-defunct metal magazines), I was feeling ready to spread my own wings. To have some autonomy and be able to set pace and direction in publishing something.
From a novel that was lost to a dead USB pre-cloud storage to a multitude of similar pseudo-journalistic/creative writing endeavours, not much content that had ever swirled around in my hyperactive skull eventuated into some form of finished product.
The fact I’ve been able to swing getting a website and domain, get linked in with PR releases and promoters and been treated seriously enough to warrant sending materials and such has been fantastic. As much as promoters and managers don’t mind so much whom gets their PR content out into the world, the fact ISC is treated as warranting being a platform for said material is an honour.
And let’s not even start on what being able to review the New Dead Festival for the second year in a row! Cheers to Northy for taking a chance on me and providing a media pass. Psychologically, that upped the ante even further in terms of representing a concreteness and importance in physical reality. That is, someone had actually taken it upon them to provide me an opportunity to travel interstate and be the reviewer for a prestigious metal event! It’s something I actually hadn’t thought possible.
Reviewing future gigs and festivals is something which is in the can, but that also needs to be pragmatically weighed against new realities - living regionally, the cost of living and crisis and overall time-management. Mayhap I’ll put my name down for gigs on the roster in future but for now at least, I’m really stoked that this little hobby project has been given big opportunities.
Speaking of opportunities - holy shit, dude! Getting to interview metal luminaries such as Bjorn ‘Speed’ Strid of Soilwork and Night Flight Orchestra fame? Wow. What a massive opportunity, and what a stellar guy.
Likewise, being able to speak with Niklas Sandin, bass-maestro of Katatonia was something I couldn’t have imagined forseeing ever happening for my small corner of the podcast world.
Link to the Interview with Bjorn ‘Speed’ Strid
(also available via our blog, as well as podcast links top-right/bottom of page):
Link to interview with Niklas:
Deserves posting as well - amazing interview with hardcore scene titan James 'Human Furnace' Bulloch of Ringworm fame:
Relating this back to the impostor-syndrome and other depressive bullshit from before - what a nice reality-based feedback punch in the face to all of that bullshit! As much as I haven’t really internalised or incorporated these positives aspect as fully into how I feel about ISC, there’s an undeniable actuality and presence to these milestones that can’t be disputed with mere thoughts.
The fact of the matter is that ISC has progressed into domains I didn’t foresee as being possible nor within it’s scope.
The fact of the matter is that it’s happened, and it’s happening now in real-time, and I’m sure there’s some unexamined pride lurking in there amongst the muck.
2. Learnings!
Speaking of learning - what has Inner-Strength Check provided me in 2023?
New skills - audio production (recording, producing, editing and publishing), improvements in both drafting and editing scripted content, and a lot of honest reflection on how to improve the flow, cadence and delivery of both written and spoken word.
A means of sitting amongst an entertainment medium in a way that is authentic and genuine. I feel up-skilled in my capacity to produce something new on my own terms, in an environment that implies, directs or even outright commands one to conform to whichever models and processes will crank those stats. To sit with that,staunchly oppositional-defiant at such a norm means I’m forging my own path. Something I was raised and grew to value highly, and will continue to do so in future.
It’s provided me an opportunity to create content in a variety of forms, again probably to the chagrin of all those chat-GPT-drafted articles and snappy Youtube vids on how to PODCAST FOR SUCCESS! Initially, I felt compelled to keep things compartmentalised but the fact I’ve gone and done everything from tabletop RPG reviews, music reviews, bass and guitar streams, gaming/tabletop streams and a bunch of other quirky stuff has given a sense of creative licence and freedom.
Ultimately, that’s meant an increased sense of creative expression, something I value highly and honestly had lost quite a bit of through my adulthood. We take ourselves so seriously these days that even talking about and demonstrating things related to arts, music and hobbies seems to come with a price-tag. Sometimes literal in the form of monetisation, and sometimes a more gamified sense of how to approach it. Relinquishing any sense of needing to create multiple podcasts/channels to compartmentalise things in case Person X isn’t into Thing Y. Honestly? Too bad. If I lose potential readers, viewers or listeners because someone likes the tabletop stuff but hates the music stuff? Nope, not going to pander. And that is rejection-sensitivity kryptonite. I’m sure there’s a lot of you who have trouble keeping a read on the seemingly disparate spread of topics and ideas, and that’s totally fine. Engage with what you want to. Don’t feel compelled to slog through irrelevant themes, genres and other stuff just to feed some burdensome completionist ideal.
2023 - INFLUENTIAL PODCASTS:
Some major podcasting influences on me this year and prior have been the following, which I elaborate on further in the audio episode itself. For now, let’s just list and promote some great podcasts who’ve inspired me to produce better work over here at ISC.
Behind The Bastards is a podcast that explores the lives and deeds of history’s most notorious villains. Hosted by Robert Evans, the podcast combines investigative journalism, social justice, and political commentary to offer informative and entertaining storytelling. The podcast covers topics such as Hitler’s young adult novels, Blackwater’s quest to build an Air Force, the children of dictators, and Saddam Hussein’s romance novels. Behind The Bastards dives into the bizarre realities of the worst humans in history and exposes their actions and motivations.
Link:
https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-behind-the-bastards-29236323/
2. Lions Led By Donkeys:
Lions Led By Donkeys is a comedy podcast that focuses on the worst military failures, inept commanders, and crazy stories from throughout the history of human conflict. Hosted by Joe Kassabian, a veteran and author, the podcast combines humor, sarcasm, and historical analysis to offer a unique perspective on war and its consequences. The podcast covers topics such as the Battle of the Three Kings, the Satsuma Rebellion, the Emu War, and the War on Christmas. Lions Led By Donkeys is a podcast for laughing at the absurdity and tragedy of war and its participants.
Link:
3. Conspirituality:
Conspirituality is a podcast that examines the intersection of conspiracy theories and spirituality in the wellness industry. Hosted by Derek Beres, Matthew Remski, and Julian Walker, the podcast exposes the dangers of pseudoscience, cults, and misinformation that threaten public health and social justice. The podcast features interviews with experts, activists, and whistleblowers, as well as deep dives into topics such as QAnon, anti-vaxxers, COVID-19 denialism, and the rise of authoritarianism. Conspirituality is a podcast for critical thinking and evidence-based reasoning in a world of chaos and confusion.
Link:
4. The Imperfects:
The Imperfects is a podcast that celebrates the flaws and struggles of human beings. Hosted by Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton, and Josh van Cuylenburg, the podcast invites guests from various backgrounds and fields to share their stories of imperfection and vulnerability. The podcast aims to inspire listeners to embrace their own challenges and practice gratitude, empathy, and mindfulness. The Imperfects is a podcast for anyone who feels imperfect and wants to learn from others who have overcome their difficulties and found meaning and happiness.
Link:
2024 DIRECTIONS + HOUSEKEEPING:
Some housekeeping items for the year ahead:
Episodes:
I’ll be replacing some earlier episodes which I’m not too happy with. Thus the release order/numbering might seem a little off.
Replacement episodes will actually serve more as preludes/overarching mini-series (Undoing Ruin) which is more strictly mental health/social discourse themed. This series is intended to bring in academic and social discourse to discuss where we’re at as a society, but more importantly bring in models and activities that demonstrate how we, as a people, both can do better and ARE doing so. It’s not all doom and gloom fam!
Website:
* Will be doing a revamp of sorts in the near future. [Edit 15.01.25: HAHAHAHAHAHA. Aww, dang.]
* Email - it’s getting clunkier to use the WP email through Jetpack. Thus I may actually revert to another service such as Gmail for my content.
* Will continue releasing press releases on behalf of great up-and-coming bands. These will remain in written form cause well, yeah that just makes plain sense. I’m also looking at getting in touch with game designers around their EPK’s, so if you’re an indie game designer or tabletop publisher looking for somewhere to have your craft honoured, please by all means shoot me a message on socials or email.
Content Mediums:
Writing:
I don’t think it’s a surprise admission that I’m not a superstar audio engineer. Likewise, this being a hobby podcast (i.e. about hobbies and a hobby in and of itself), there’s commitments relating to time and energy with learning the ropes of Digital Audio Workstations.
The original intent was to focus squarely on audio production. However, with writing being a medium I’m more comfortable with, I’m considering utilising the fact there’s a Wordpress sitting right there to complete more blog-style transcripts of episodes. As you're reading right now!
Twitch:
Unfortunately, using this platform to perform covers per my Youtube channel has seen a few DMCA no-no’s (fair enough!).
That, coupled with my intention to focus moreso on YT itself to reduce app fatigue, means I’ll be limiting guitar and bass covers to Youtube only. I’m not able to stream there just yet as I apparently don’t have enough followers [hint hint!]
For Twitch, I’ll likely be utilising it mainly for tabletop-related content, live gaming streams etc.
Social Media:
As per my previous episode around the Enshittification of the Internet, I’m looking to scale down on my social media usage generally.
Given my frustrations with how fucking clogged-up Meta products are with ads, I generally dip into that space more for the purpose of creation than consumption. That said, please for the love all things unholy do feel free to drop us a PM, share your feedback and follow my frenetic and unstable patterns of posting! I’ll be focusing hard on providing additional accessible resources and promoting arts, music and hobby happenings. Lots going on.
Resources:
Mental health - local (state), federal and non-location specific resources with a particular view to encourage free and usable content. e.g. CCI WA.
Plus a whole wealth of free, online and accessible other resources for gamers, musicians, hobbyists the general population. Stay tuned!
ROADMAP:
* The 'Undoing Ruin' series - a more explicitly sociology/psychology/discourse focused analysis on the state of things and where we can go from here as a populace.
* Catchup - The Five Leagues From The Borderlands solo rpg series. Depending on energy this may simply act as a standalone post-hoc battle-report style with some narrated character elements, or it may even be distilled into narrative form!
* Reviews - Mutant Year Zero (Tabletop RPG - a retrospective on the campaign, plus a review of the system as a whole), Forbidden Lands (loving it), some game reviews, and a buuuuuunch of other music/vidya/books etc.
* Numerous interviews on the horizon, people i’ll be approaching such as Neurodivergent Insights, QAA, etc.
Podcast:
Continued work on my craft with regards to editing and polishing up the production.
Being a non-monetised endeavour, and being good with kooky voices and accents (appropriating and cliche’d as they often are) I’m thinking of having some fun with making some fake-ad transitions.
Use of additional audio content. I’ve got massive packs of SFX, ambiences and music to add into the mix. Folded into that is some endeavours in personal music for the year, which we’ll discuss further in Part 2. For now, if I do get around to making some chill ambiences then those will be added.
Seeking musicians and artists for me to promote either use of riffs and the like for segues or even full songs for me to promote on the show. No genre excluded, with an obvious caveat my preferences are towards heavy or experimental music. But if you send me a dream-pop or rap diss track, I’m not going to say no!